Christmas Cheer

My neighbor has taken gaudy lawn ornaments to a new level. Please observe the front garden (= yard, or more aptly described, walled in piece of grass and concrete in front of this "period" house). Every time I look at this picture I notice something new. The giraffe, the lady bug, the chariot, an alien. It's like Where's Waldo, although in England, it's called "Where's Wally". 

The brick walls are even covered with randomly placed figurines, toy trains, books... the look this person must be going for is "trinket shop tornado".

Lawn Ornament Hell

I can't even begin to imagine what the inside of the house looks like and I'm shocked that it appears no one one has stolen anything, although with the plethora at hand, I'm sure they wouldn't notice that anything was awry. Living in a college town, you'd think there would be students shopping for dorm room decorations at this house some time after midnight, but luckily for this neighbor it seems our quiet side street is keeping these treasures in their place.

Aside from this dismal display of gaudiness, I haven't seen many Christmas decorations at homes and certainly no Griswold light displays in the front of houses. The cost of Christmas lights in England is out of control. That Christmas spirit is rarely displayed in the form of lights and cost is probably a big reason. M&S sells icicle lights for 29.50 = $47. For a strand of lights! I've heard the prices are even higher in London.

At least London's Regent Street hasn't skimped on the Christmas Cheer! You're unlikely to find Christmas lights anywhere other than on these shopping streets, and the few skimpy strands thrown on the tree at Trafalgar Square.

I'm enjoying being home for a few weeks so I can enjoy the tacky Christmas spirit in the USA. I can't imagine what my neighbor's house would look like if she got her hands on some good ol' American style lit up Christmas lawn decorations. That would be a sight to see!

It Says It's Not You

Apparently, I should be a criminal.

As part of the UK visa process, applicants are required to have Biometric Data including fingerprints taken at an official site prior to applying. I did this at a designated location in Chicago where officials barked orders at foreigners who didn't have the appropriate paperwork in hand at exactly the right moment and everyone was lined up like at the DMV. They took my photo then I sat and waited in a chair while the man in front of me had all 10 digits done, one by one. It took just a few minutes. When it was my turn, it took a few minutes just to get my right thumb to read. After several failed attempts on each finger, the process seemed to take a half hour until all of them had been accepted by the computer. Two people at the stations next to me came and went as I was helplessly annoying the woman attempting to get a read as she rolled each finger left to right and scolded "don't press too hard".

Passing though UK passport control at Heathrow for the first time, my right thumb and forefinger wouldn't read. The lady looked confused and said, "sorry you seem to have very faint fingerprints." I started to get remotely concerned as we moved on, but after what seemed like hours, a match was found with my ring finger and I got a nice big stamp on my visa admitting entry for the first time.

For the past 6 months my travels have been by train or car only, so I didn't have the opportunity to test this again until December. Last week, I arrived at Heathrow from a business trip to Rome and the border control official frowned after taking my thumb and forefinger and said, "mmmm it says it's not you." Gulp.

That faint sense of panic set in again as he tested the same fingers and once more he said "hmmm. It says its not you again."

Pause.
Pause some more.....

"The good thing is they took your picture when they took your prints and I can see that it is you. I have some level of discretion here. Welcome back to the UK." PHEW.

In those brief seconds of waiting I started to run through scenarios in my head and think of what I would tell my boss about being detained by border control. Do they give you one phone call?!?

4 days later, the same thing happened at Gatwick when returning from Madrid. My first test failed but I suggested to the border control agent that this happens often and she offered to do the left hand and I passed on the first try.

After seeing the movie Gattaca, where the characters switch identities with one of them literally cutting off his fingertips so the other will have his prints, I'm a bit weary of attempting to go up to the border control agent each time I come back to the country saying "only these 4 fingers work please try only these". Ummmm that might raise a few eyebrows. I think I might have to fail once and then make subtle suggestions...

Alas, there could be a solution... next up... attempting to register for IRIS, an option at UK border control for residents and visa holders, where they will identify me with a photo of my eyeballs versus my fingertips. As an added bonus, the line usually only contains a handful of people, and I won't have to go through that hour long "Non-EU passport control" nonsense every single time I fly.

Perhaps I'm in the wrong line of work. I would be an excellent criminal, able to foil any computer from connecting me to a set of fingerprints.

Poor eyesight, bunions, allergies etc... These are some of those things that people realize they just have to live with, but never would I have ever thought that having a faintly printed epidermis would be a nuisance in this life.